How to cope with grief during the holiday season?

The holidays are difficult when losing someone. Grief can be isolating. The fact of the matter is that a lot of us don't know how to cope with grief. Some people tend to cry, other people do not talk, some may use distractions to cope, just to name a few. Grief is not a straight path to healing.

The first thing that helps is acknowledging your feelings and emotions. Your feelings and emotions are valid. Allow yourself to feel them. Your feelings and emotions can change from one second to the next. There may be a memory that pops up, a scent, a song, a place. Take it all in. Even if you cry, get angry, experience disbelief.

Try to process your feelings and emotions by talking to a friend, family member, therapist, writing in your journal, prayer, etc. You can also write a letter to the person who is no longer here with you.

Set clear boundaries with family and/or friends regarding the loss when it comes to bringing it up. This can be done prior to meeting with family and/or friends. Remember: if a person gives you pushback when setting a boundary, they are not honoring you, your needs, your feelings.

Lastly, give yourself grace. How? By taking it one day at a time. By understanding that you are human and healing will take time. It is not a sprint, it is a marathon.

~Damaris

In honor of Domestic Violence Awareness Month- October 2022

During this month, I will focus on bringing awareness of domestic violence (intimate partner violence) by diving into what it is, how to recognize it, how to get the resources needed to heal.

Intimate Partner Abuse entails any form of verbal, physical, emotional, sexual, financial abuse within a relationship (romantic/platonic).

-Verbal Abuse entails oral (by mouth) gestures such as yelling, cursing (foul language), intimidating, threatening, teasing, mocking, insulting your partner.

-Physical Abuse entails using physical force by hitting with your hand or other body part, pushing, slapping, restraint, strangulation which causes injury or trauma to the other person.

-Emotional Abuse entails name calling, intimidating, threatening, teasing, insulting, belittling, controlling your partner.

-Sexual Abuse entails being forced to engage in sexual acts without consent (rape, sexualized gestures, molestation), sexual exploitation.

-Financial Abuse entails witholding money, depriving of financial means to care for oneself, not being allowed to work, identity theft, abusing credit, not being responsible for bills.

If you or anyone you know has experienced any of the above, feel free to contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline by calling 800-799-SAFE (7233). You can also go to their website to chat or text with someone live on their website thehotline.org.

I am available for support with any questions. You can reach me by email at healthyselfds@gmailcom.

Coping with Trauma

This is a sensitive topic for many. There’s a lot of confusion and unknowns about trauma. There are some thoughts about trauma having to be visual like an accident, a violent crime. These incidents are some of many but trauma is passed down from generation to generation via our DNA. You see, trauma alters our DNA. It changes chemical balances in our guts, neurons in our brains. It causes you to feel on edge when you’re calm.

It’s so complex. A way to cope with trauma is by identifying your triggers. What makes you jumpy, irritable, anxious? Once, you know what that is, you can focus on how your body feels. Are you safe when feeling all of these emotions? Can we focus on breathing and being present?

What are some ways you deal with trauma?